Ok, readers, I have a confession to make. I have been indoctrinating my two-and-a-half year old son into prog fandom. In fact, on my iPhone, I have a playlist for this very purpose. The playlist has the oh-so subtle title of “Subversive Indoctrination to Prog”. When I give my son his nightly bath, music from this playlist is usually playing in the background. In fact, sometimes I even time his bath using music from this playlist. Tonight’s bath was rather long – one Underfall Yard and a Firth of Fifth, to be precise.
Am I doing the right thing? I wonder. This could end up causing my son to never be able to sit at the ‘cool kids’ lunch table. And then there is the problem of the odd time signatures being imprinted into his impressionable little brain. Will it affect his ability to dance – and could this in turn affect his ability to find a mate later on in life? Will he be trying (awkwardly) to dance to 7/4 time while a potential girlfriend is gracefully moving to 4/4 time?
On the other hand, as a concerned parent, how can I not do something like this? Should he really be turned loose in the wasteland of pop music of the present and the future as it continues its descent? Should some future Lady GaGa, some future Jay-Z, or some future Justin Bieber be allowed to shave points off of his IQ (if you’ll pardon the neo-prog pun). And living here in Texas, I could be faced with a prog parent’s worst nightmare – that he will spend his 21st birthday line dancing in a bar that exclusively plays country music. The horror … the horror.
In the end, I think I must continue. It’s a parent’s job to guide their offspring, is it not?
Son, if you are reading this someday in the future, I apologize for short-circuiting your dancing ability and whatever distress that may cause you in the dating game. May I suggest you search for a mate that doesn’t like dancing, as I found with your mother? Please know though, my son, I did this with the best of intentions, trying to keep you from polluting your musical taste with “music” created by record company executives catering to the lowest common denominator in pursuit of the highest possible profit. Art should be more than that. As Neal Peart once wrote (and you will know him soon), “glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity.” As your father, I’m going to do my best to keep your integrity intact.